Mae Utne Mori, an MBA turnover reduction specialist, was hired by Nard to reduce the talent exodus from Marketing (ostensibly) and (truly) to give him pleasure as he drove between meetings at New Bank’s 47 head office locations. When she refused the latter duty and he threatened to fire her and she threatened to expose him to every harassment board, ombudswoman, and human rights tribunal in the galaxy, he found refuge in two recent MBA grads and Sissy, that most technically adept admin assistant and delight.
One day I received an email from Ms. Mori—
may 10 10:11am
to Jude Peer, Senior Consultant, Communication, Marketing Division, New Bank
from Mae Utne Mori, Senior Relationship Manager, Marketing Division, New Bank
subject RIMS
Jude,
Hi. I’m Mae Utne Mori. I joined Marketing recently and have been asked to participate in RIMS—the Relationship Information Management Strategy you’ve probably heard about. We thought it might be nice if you participated too. Your expertise sure would be a help. Let me know … thanks.
Mae Utne M.
w 212.737.4691
c 212.818.1347
f 212.737.4522
The leaders who work most effectively never say "I." And that's not because they have trained themselves not to say "I." They don't think "I." They think "we." This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done.
Peter Drucker
At RIMS’ first meeting, Jen, Jan, Jill, June, Joy, Jon, Jack, Jim, Joe, Jay, Mae, and I were present. Jen was wearing the best lingerie, so she chaired. The major challenge facing her—as with every Marketing meeting—was navigating through the sexual politics. As Jay was devoting his entire budget and staff to going to bed with Jen and Jay was the only man in the Division Jen hadn’t slept with and had to resist him because she had bet her Birkin bag with Jill that she would and Jill was secretly meeting with Joy and Jack to arrange for Jen and Jay to go to the next database marketing conference in San Francisco because they knew Jen wouldn’t be able to resist after three drinks and Jen lusted after Jill but couldn’t admit it and Jill hated Joe because Joe had slept with Jim instead of her during the last agency meeting and June had seen Jan tying Jon to her desk with Jen’s bras and was threatening to tell if Jon didn’t do it to her too … Jen had to be careful with what she said, how she said it, whom she said it to, when she said it, how she crossed her legs, the relationship between visible flesh and who was speaking, where she looked whenever someone said, relationship … a thousand details determined the success of each second. The slightest mistake could cost her the Birkin.
During the three and a half hour meeting, the following decisions were made.
1. Jill would get a bra like June’s.
2. Joe and Joy would snort coke afterwards.
3. June hated Jen’s guts.
4. Jon wasn’t making enough money to support the lifestyle he was entitled to.
5. Jay would find a new ecstasy dealer.
6. Jack would upgrade his BMW M Coupe to a Z4 immediately.
7. Jan would not get Nard to fire Jim.
8. Jim would get Jill to get Nard to fire Jan.
9. I would go home, open a bottle of wine, and watch Brazil.
10. Mae would seduce me.
Oh Jude, Mae said after the meeting, shifting her flesh in pleasant ways and looking into the sex of my eyes, I’ve got this wonderful Chianti in my office; do you want me to get it and we’ll debrief?
What year?
Jude. Did you ever take anthropology in university?
I was a theology major.
What kind of theology?
What do you mean, What kind of theology?
I’ll get the Chianti.
After guzzling some wine, frantically groping, spilling the wine, rebuffing some product managers who wanted to join us, doing it with our clothes mostly on behind the projection screen, and heading back to our offices in unzipped productivity, I got this email from her—
may 12 5:17pm
to Jude Peer, Senior Consultant, Communication, Marketing Division, New Bank
from Mae Utne Mori, Senior Relationship Manager, Marketing Division, New Bank
subject Post-mortem
Jude,
That sex was so hot all I’ve been wanting to do is tie you to the New Bank logo and whip you with my tongue. You should see what I’ve got in my bedroom … please please come over tonight and let me show you … please please please please. I live at 1713C Beeler Street, it’s the upper buzzer, I’ll be there anytime after 10:00, don’t worry about the downstairs neighbor he’s a little mad and I’m going to be wearing … or not wearing I should say … no no no come and see … I’ll show you … xoxoxoxooosxxooxxooosdoxxoxoxxxx
Mae U.
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